The Dreams in Dark

Memories II

2010-01-09T02:14:00.001+08:00

9 Jan 2010

Like blood in snow
Like thorns of rose
Like ripples in flow
Like shears of soul
Memories of mine
Are dreams I knew
Of hopes gone cold
And nights so still
Memories...

~ Eterna2

Was

2010-01-07T11:00:00.001+08:00

10 Jan 2010

I sensed
her presence
in yonder room

I smelled
her fragance
in yonder breeze

I heard
her laughters
from yonder door

I scattered
the ashes
on yonder floor

She was
We were
I am

~ Eterna2

Memories

2010-01-07T10:58:00.001+08:00

10 Jan 2010

Ten and twenty
muse and letters
Three and seven
A love passe
yet I dream still
Bittersweet

~ Eterna2

Love

2009-07-09T17:21:00.002+08:00

9 July 2009

Arousal
from groin yet not heart
Only lust

~ Eterna2

Silence

2009-07-09T17:17:00.002+08:00

9 July 2009

Many words
Are but sounds in winds
Meaningless

~ Eterna2

Alone in the crowd

2009-07-09T17:14:00.002+08:00

9 July 2009

A full moon
in a starry night
So lonely

~ Eterna2

Words

2009-03-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

30 Mar 2009

Softer than silk
Sharper than blades
Noises whispering in the winds
Words cut deepest when you cared

~ Eterna2

Not Tonight

2008-10-29T21:26:00.000+08:00

29th Oct 2008

Rows after rows, they stood before me ...
Silent, Still, waiting, sleeping ...
Who are they, what are they ...
O'fear is creeping up upon me ... into me ...
Tonight ...

Come come come to us, they beckoned ...
Sweet, seductive, undeniable ...
Wait wait wait for me, I pleaded ...
Cold, bittersweet, unforgettable ...

Dawn until dusk, they glaze at my form ...
Silent, Still, waiting, loving ...
Whose are they, whereth are they ...
O'love is sneaking up upon me ... not for us ...
Not tonight ... No ...

Come come come to me, I beckoned ...
Sweet, seductive, undeniable ...
Wait wait wait for us, they pleaded ...
Cold, bittersweet, unforgettable ...

Not tonight ... No ...
Not tonight ...
Bittersweet ...

~ Eterna2

As you sow so shall you reap

2008-10-29T21:24:00.001+08:00

27th Feb 2008

But where comes the seeds?
And who made the hoe?
But where is the field?
And how is the weather?
As I sow so shall I reap.
But am I ever one and all?

~ Eterna2

Humpty Dumpty II

2008-05-25T08:32:00.000+08:00

14th May 2008

Why did humpty climbed up the wall?
Why did humpty had a great fall?

Because there was the wedding bells.
Because he wanted to see the bride.

Because the girl he loved is marrying another guy.
Because he is chasing after his falling decade love.

And so humpty dumpty climb up the wall.
And so humpty dumpty had a great fall.

Where all the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

~ Eterna2

Humpty Dumpty I

2008-05-25T08:21:00.001+08:00

12th May 2008

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

I wish that he never climb up and sit on the wall
I wish that he never had that great fall
I wish that all the king's horses and all the king's men
can put him together again

But dreams are like stars in the sky
so near, so close, that you can almost touch them
But when you finally awake,
you know that the stars lie a million thousand light years away

And wishes are like clouds in the sky
growing bigger day by day, so many
And when they finally fall,
you know that the wishes are falling, falling and dashed to bits and pieces

Hope

Every night, i reach for the stars
Every day, i add to the clouds
But tonight But today
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
and All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

He couldn't reach for the stars no more
he couldn't feed the clouds no more
because nothing can put Humpty together again...
Together again...

~ Eterna2

Tears in Heart

2008-05-25T08:18:00.002+08:00

12th May 2008

Warm and crimson
Droplets sad and morose
Forming, falling
In the heart

Clear and salty
Tears forlorn and hopeless
Missing, disappearing
from the face

Because
the face never cries
when the heart weeps

Because
crystal tears heals
and crimson tears rends

Tears in the heart
Tears in the heart
Crimson river goring
Deep long tears
in the heart ...

~ Eterna2

Haiku

2007-08-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

18th June 2007

Haiku

I prefer
haiku cuz they are
short and sweet

Notes

Whispering
Winds from winterlands
Chilling notes

The Stark Truth

Snow in blood
Pure simplicity
Sharp contrast

Winter Night

Bear sleeping
in warmthness without
So alone

~ Eterna2

Moth

2006-12-31T14:22:00.000+08:00

13th Sep 2003

I know, I knew, but still I flew
into the blazing light in view
A moth, I am, to pain I flew
Head on, blindly, to my death I knew

Again again, was burnt am I
But still a moth I surely am
to death, to death, O'I rejoiced
Be burnt to ashes, tears in joy

In pain, in pain, a pain I seeked
In joy, in joy, a pain enjoyed
Your eyes, your face, my fading sight
Soon a moth be gone, an endless night.

~ Eterna2

Haiku - I love you

2006-12-31T00:54:00.000+08:00

31st Dec 2006

Thousand words
Whispering but one
I love you

~ Eterna2

I wanna Cry

2006-12-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

27th Dec 2006

The tears
creeping slowly
across my face
I wanna cry

The sobs
choking silently
within my throat
I really wanna cry

The pain
stabbing deeply
into my heart
I really really wanna cry

The memories
gushing endlessly
before my eyes
I really really really wanna cry

The misty vision
The salty taste
The bittersweetness
I really really really really wanna cry

And so I am crying
And so I wanna cry
Misty, salty,
Bitter and sweet.

I wanna cry
Crying
O' I wanna cry
Crying

~ Eterna2

Remembered Pain

2006-12-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

27th Nov 2006

A whisper, a touch,
A feeling forgotten.
A splinter, a pin,
An emotion remembered.

I thought, and believed,
that it had healed.
I fled, and denied,
that it had existed.

My remembered pain,
Stabbing deeply.
An unforgotten feeling,
Shrouding within.

Remembered
Pain

~ Eterna2

Eternity Eterna

2006-12-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

Whispering whispers

Willowy willows

An eternity

for an eternity

Waiting

~ Eterna2

27th Dec 2006

Earthen Sentinel

2006-09-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

Where?

2006-09-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

10th Sep 2006

Alone among the golden plains
Confusion, loss, among these aching pains
Again withering stalk swaying still
A feeling unfelt, floating free of barren fields
Crazy thoughts, plagued me, tormented me
Grasping about, seeking, all that lost ever be
I don't know, I can't be, Foolish dreams
Forgotten, a void within the silver stream
Of faerie made, of mortal realm be not
Did I cry, did I weep, my tears, forgot
So sought, so fought, so bought, whereth the anchor in life
Confusion, loss, ramblings forgotten, I yearn to fly
But where's the island
the island
among these golden plains
Where?

~ Eterna2

Beyond the veils

2006-02-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

14th Feb 2006

“It is dark.”, she whispered softly.

“Indeed, the lights seem to be lacking.”, I replied somberly.

“I wish I can see what lies beyond.”, she snuggled closer.

Towards me.

“That was my greatest desire too!”, I remarked.

Surprised.

“Was?”, she whispered back.

Frowning.

“I am not of this world.”, I declared proudly.

“You’re dead?", she wriggled away.

From me.

“Not really. I am the wanderer.”, I nodded to myself.

Resigned.

“Ah I understand.”, she affirmed.

Smiling.

I took her cold cold hand and pulled her through the veils.

~ Eterna2

Rhymes thread

2006-01-10T19:34:00.000+08:00

10th Jan 2006

rhymes thread
from where hence to get
words so sad

heart of lead
from here, to forget
silence I beg

neighbor's cat
from there, ledge she naps
stranger act

never seen
never asked
never heard

a rhymes thread

~ Eterna2

Hanging On

2006-01-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

2nd Jan 2005

A silence before
a wall deep blue
claiming a hundred
a thousand dreams

Fathers sons
Mothers daughters
Scattered a hundred
a thousand miles

The sea is death
The sea was death
But alas she raged but only
a thousand times

The sea was life
The sea is life
Had we not cut her but only
a thousand times?

I wept for them
she wept for us
Its love, its hate
Its life or fate?

The morning comes
The tears had dried
But the thirst, the pain
And grief still lies

Deepening scars
the stench of death
like ants we crawled
over the corpse of land

In hope of life
Perhaps is not
I think I thought
A fallacy of our humankind

No one can
No one should
though I wept
for brothers gone

In our Mother's womb
In our Mother's tomb
Our death and life
is but our Mother's game

Mother's pain
O'Mother cries
She grieves yet tears
Her children's toys

~ Eterna2

Sad Things in Life II

2006-01-08T19:24:00.000+08:00

3rd March 2005

I knew of love, I knew of hate
I knew of feelings unabated
I wrote of joy, I wrote of fears
I wrote of pains like blood in tears

I lost my love, I lost my hate
I lost my feelings unabated
I lost my joy, I lost my fears
I lost my pains which fade like tears

I thought of hope, I thought of death
I thought of razors in my hands
I yearn of love, I yearn of pain
I yearn of peace at where I lain

I thrown my hopes, I thrown my death
I thrown my razors in my hands
I thrown my love, I thrown my pain
I thrown my peace from where I lain

Gone my love, gone my hate
Gone are the words of bygone pains
Gone my hopes, gone my death
Gone away my past like dust from ash

~ Eterna2

Sad Things in Life I

2006-01-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

3rd March 2005

A dream is dead
of violence and hate
by hands he knew
A dream I knew

A love of art
of beauty in parts
by hands and mind
A love in kinds

A shroud of veil
of mortal skills
by dreams astrife
A yearn for life

A loss is mourn
of dreams had gone
by greed, by hate
A luckless fate

I mourn
I mourn
I mourn my loss

~ Eterna2

PS: RIP Zdzislaw Beksinski (1929 - 2005)

Human Nature

2006-01-08T19:11:00.000+08:00

7th April 2005

She asked, "Why, my child did you bind me so?"
So I showed my bonds and protested, "No, my mother I did not so."

She held me close and smiled.

She asked again, "Why, my child did you bind me so?"
To which I finally replied, "Not me, my mother. It's my master's will."

She stroke my hair and smiled.

So she asked, "Whom, my child is your master thus?"
So to which I cried, "My desires, my dreams, my hopes."

She wiped my tears and smiled.

Then she asked, "Are you servant of your master thus?"
Then to which I replied, "Yes, my mother it is so."

She held me close and smiled.

And she finally said, "I am your servant, and always had been."
And I finally broke down, "I know, my mother. You need no chains."

She smiled and closed her eyes.
And so I wept as I drained her dry.

~ Eterna2

A Crack, A Seam

2006-01-08T19:07:00.000+08:00

26th May 2005

An endless plain
An unchanging desert
All seemed to be perfect
Everything, anything, except one

A lone crack
A flawed seam
Marred what seemed to be utopia
Creeping, growing, to become

A bottomless pit
An empty window
To the voids of one's core
Weeping, dying, as one would be

A crack, a seam
Was all it took

~ Eterna2

Come True

2005-10-08T03:35:00.000+08:00

8th Oct 2005

If joy could close a thousand wounds
I would smile and laugh for a thousand years
If tears could soothe a thousand hurts
I would cry and weep for a thousand years

If hope could give a thousand wish
I would live and pray for a thousand years
If time could grant a thousand dreams
I would stop and wait for a thousand years

But alas I laughed but closed no wounds
And alas I wept yet soothed no hurts
And alas I prayed for a hopeless wish
And alas I waited for a forlorn dream

A wound, a hurt, no joy could heal
A wish, a dream, no tears could grant
Nor hope a guide to my sightless eyes
Nor time a balm to my empty heart

I wish that joy could close my wounds
I wish that tears could soothe my hurts
I wish that hope would grant my wish
I wish that time would make my dream

come true

~ Eterna2

Night view

2005-10-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

5th Oct 2005

Stepping softly
A single rain drop
Fallen

Treading lightly
A lone puddle
Broken

Silence shattered
across the shadows
of the night
Crying

.

Pounding loudly
A patchwork heart
Foolishness

Searing truly
A scorched touch
Anguish

Whimpers scattered
across the winds
of the dark
Weeping

.

Tearing softly
A single tear drop
Fallen

Fleeing lightly
A lone saddle
Broken

Unforgotten
Unforgotten
of the Love
and Rapture

~ Eterna2

Eterna's Reminiscences

2005-10-03T13:54:00.000+08:00

Prolog

I was only ten. My name then was Veritas. And on that fateful night came a stranger, one who would irrevocably shatter the cornerstones of my life, my home and my soul.

Storm clouds were hanging over the village, when he came. That night, the least brave among the children would cower when a lightning streak across the morose sky, and scream in terror when the trailing thunder roared passed them. It was a vile stormy night, a fact not lost upon our sodden selves.

Dismissing the frequent lightning strikes that crackled and echoed about our mountainous home, two pairs of curious eyes were peering at the group of men standing off against a lone figure. And both frowned when they saw the weapons – the men of the village were armed, and seemed uneasy as the stranger conversed with the village elders. Veritus glanced at me, and I gave a shrug to my twin’s unspoken question – although it was not common for our isolated village to have any visitors but all travelers who did stumbled into our humble village are welcomed, particularly for their tales from the outside world.

But tonight, even our stout blacksmith, Aurthos was nervous. It was so unnatural, so eerie, so UNBORING, I grinned at the prospect. And as if sensing my excitement, Veritus nodded and whispered eagerly, “Just like in the stories, this is how adventures always begin!”

“A courtier maybe, I wonder what they are talking about.” I whispered back as I crept closer. Graceful as a mountain lion, my brother followed behind. We were burning with curiosity, why would the stranger come to such a isolated place? But now, we know, to our eternal sorrows... MY eternal sorrow… Veritus…

~

“I have shown mercy, yet you still foolishly dismissed me as a charlatan! You will LIVE to regret your decision!” The strangely robed stranger crackled with maniacal laughter as he emphasized on the word, LIVE. “Oh yes, you will.”

"Ha! Crawl back to the hole you came from, we tire from your rambling. We are honest common folks, and will not stand to let a foul wizard to build his tower here, even if he is a charlatan!" My ever impatient father replied hotly. The village elders beside him winced at father’s blunt words.

“I AM NOT A CHARLATAN!” The stranger screeched angrily and threw himself at father, who promptly fisted his fragile assailant. The stranger lay stunned on the muddy ground for several moments before recovering sufficiently to glare hatefully at father. “You dare to lay your hand on the great necromancer, Vadizamar Blightbringer! I will remember this! Mark my words and you will pay for this indignity!”

~

Necromancer, we wondered what is a necromancer when we first heard the word. Some sort of wizard, we guessed – the worst sort, we found out to our dismay. But it was too late.

~

The other men were uneasy at the crazed youth’s proclamation; it is never wise to offend a wizard. The elders hastily tried to smoothen the ruffled feathers of the stranger, but before they could do anything, the bone pale youth whipped out an ancient looking parchment and started pronouncing a series of harsh unintelligible words. The scroll burnt with unnatural glow with each incantation and then with a flare of black crackling energy, it crumbled into ashes which were carried away by a sudden gush of wind.

“Ha, pantry tricks of a charlatan! I do not fear your feeble tricks. Leave this village now, or I will throw you out, a pathetic excuse of a man!” Father always has little patience with people who he thought are not doing an honest work.

Upon hearing my father’s loud bellow, the rest of the council who had scrambled for safety previously, timidly peered from their hiding places. And when they saw that father was still alive and well, they grinned with embarrassment and glared angrily at the stranger. Strangely, the youth smiled despite of father’s harsh words, and silently left the village, into the storm.

“Maybe we should at least offer him shelter; no man should be left outside in a storm like this.” Kindly Thomus commented. “Aya mayhap, you are right. But I am not going after him in the storm like that. He is an arrogant fool and I have no love for the likes of him.” Father replied. The other men shrugged and prepared to return to their homes. Hence with a resigned sigh, the rotund baker hurried after the departing figure.

~

I was just about to sneak back home, when Veritus tugged at my sleeve. I gave him a puzzled look, before realization dawned. Before long, a couple of curious teenagers were trailing behind the gentle baker. The wizard was indeed a merciful man.

~

“Vadizamar… This is a horrible weather … to be out in the open …” Thomus gasped in between breathes as he strove to catch up with the rapidly disappearing youth. “Why don’t you come and share a mug of hot tea as we wait out this weather?”

The pale stranger ignored Thomus’s offered but slowed sufficiently for the breathless man to catch up. “Com’on, Vidalius is just a bad mood ever since his wife’s death couple of months back. I hope you don’t mind.”

Mother, I sighed and glanced at an equally morose Veritus.

“You are a different from the rest. For this, I will give you mercy. Come, I want to show you something.” The youth, Vadizamar put his arm around Thomus and led him towards a nearby cave.

~

We crept silently behind the men, the burning curiosity of youth searing our innocent minds. “Do you think that Vadizamar is rewarding uncle Thomus? I wonder what sort of treasure he has.” I whispered to my brother. “He doesn’t look rich though.” Veritus remarked.

And before long, we saw the duo disappearing into a cave. Careful of the treacherous trail, we crept towards the entrance of the cave only to hear the harsh command of the wizard, and the hopeless cry of a dying man. At least his soul was safe. The wizard was indeed a merciful man.

~

“Kill him!” The youth barked harshly at a figure at the back of the cave. And before Thomus could react, the baker was held in an inhumanly strong grip. The figure bared his fangs and bended towards the hapless baker’s neck. “No!” Vadizamar commanded the monster. “Just kill him cleanly.”

The creature snared in anger, but the pale necromancer was firm. “This is my mercy to you. You will not suffer as your fellow villagers will.” And with a loud crack, the inhuman creature broke poor Thomus’s neck.

~

We bit our lips, desperately holding back our gasp and fled silently, with tears in our eyes, and fear within our innocent hearts. This is not an adventure. No, indeed. This is murder, but we remained silent; a sin for which we paid soon enough. I have not forgiven myself, and what about you? My brother, are you still wandering this land? I will not rest until I know you are free. My brother, I miss you so. Veritus.

~

The storm eventually diminished and come to pass, but alas, not so our fears. Still, we had remained as silent as our sins. No one knew what really happened, and when they found the broken body of poor Thomus, they thought he had slipped and fallen in the heavy rain. They mourned his death, for he was a gentle and well liked man, and non gave his mishap further thoughts. Veritus wanted to tell them that the strange man had murdered poor Thomus! But I was a coward; I crutched at him and begged him not to. I do not understand my fears, not then, and not now. A demon in my heart, it consumes me.

Thomus’s funeral was a simple ceremony; everyone came and paid their respect when the plague first struck. Old Muro, our wisest of the elders suddenly collapsed, he was feverish and his wrinkled form scorching hot. We hurriedly carried him to Rickma, our village priest. But it was too late. The ancient elder gasped in agony as hot viscose blood started oozing out from his orifices. He twisted in pain for many moments before a sudden torrent of blood gushed from his lips and took his pain away, for now.

There was nothing Rickma could do, the plague came without warning but it had departed just as swiftly it had claimed the victims. In two short days, more than a quarter of the village had perished from the plague, and one of them was my twin. He wept tears of blood, I couldn’t forget. Veritus, my brother, my twin, my soul. He died in great agony. And I couldn’t remember what happened after that.

~

It was not over. It was only the beginning of a cruel revenge for a wounded pride of young pale wizard. We suspected nothing, I said nothing, and we, I grew to regret and paid with blood and souls.

~

I was still in a daze when it came again. More villagers succumbed to the unnatural plague, this time they died in their sleep, pale and peaceful, but utterly devoid of blood. They were sucked dry by the plague. We mourned they death, but thought that it was but the aftermath of a plague. And I kept silent about suspicion still. The demon in my heart held me close, and painfully. Yet another thread of atonement that I willfully gave up. A mistake, one that I sworn never to repeat again! Too late!

~

I never really recovered from Veritus’s death, but Rickma was patient and kindly. Often I would seek refugee in his simple shrine when father was drunk again – Veritus’s death so soon after mother’s had taken its toil on the formerly cheerful man. I wept often, but soon I wept no more. That night a boy lost his innocence, and that moonless night, the village learnt its follies. That night, father wept no more, and I fear no more.

They came for us. Our dead came to bring us home. No… NO! Not home, no. I will bring us home, this I promise!

~

I was in the shrine of Olith, the god of earth and water, it was the few place where fear and pain were kept at bay. Then THEY came. A moonless night, our silent homes, before screams of fear and then anguish overcame us all. We should have burnt our dead, but it was not the way of Olith, alas.

There was a great splintering sound of wood before a pale maggot infested hand burst forth from the earthen mounds. Splintering woods echoed through the night as our dead rose from their restless slumber - a dark ancient evil demanding their awakening from their eternal sleep. And alas, like poorly controlled puppets, our restless dead straggled into the village.

Emma’s first scream burnt deeply into my soul, I could feel the anguish, the longing and the sorrow in the short mournful cry. The first of the zombies had entered the village. The portly washerwoman wept as she saw her husband, even an ignorant peasant like us, recognizes the suffering of the living dead. She died in her beloved’s arms, torn apart by the mindless dead. Her screams ended abruptly. I envied her; it was a release… sort of… for she grieves no longer.

~

I could recognize, and would forever remember the screams that night. I was young and innocent, I did not understand, and fear overcame me when the undead broke into the shrine. Rickma dragged me behind him, shielding me from the horrifying sight of our deceased friends. The elderly priest hurriedly thrust his holy symbol at the undead as he chanted loudly, calling upon his god, Olith. A burst of holy light erupted from the plain symbol and embraced the invaders of this sacred place. Several of the zombies shrieked in unholy agony before gasping in relief as their spirits were released from their mortal shells. The zombies collapsed and crumbled into fine ashes as the holy fire finally consumed the animating magic which binds their soul to eternal unrest. I was in awe of the powers of the faithful.

More zombies poured into the shrine, and still holding them at bay with his holy symbol, Rickma grabbed me with his free hand and led me to a secret door. "Quickly child, hide in there, Olith will protect you!"

Fear-stricken, I numbly followed the elderly priest's command. And from the peephole in the secret cellar, I helplessly look as Rickma turned back towards the tormented undead. Chanting fiercely once again, Rickma destroyed more of the undead as he dispelled the magic that chained the restless souls to this mortal realm.

Just as the last of the zombies collapsed, father and a few of the young men stumbled into the shrine. "Rickma! The deads are rising!! The village is surrounded!!" And before anyone could react, a tiny form glided beside young Peritus. The hapless youth had his beating heart torn out before Rickma could present his holy symbol.

The survivors scattered and eyed the newcomer fearfully, their weapons held tightly to their pounding heart. "In the name of Olith, I banish you!" Rickma thrust his holy symbol at the lone figure. But the small undead only growl as father cried in anguish as he recognized the gory vampire. He wore the face of my beloved twin! I wept; I knew in my heart, unlike the mindless zombies, my brother was aware of his fate, his curse. I wanted to rush out and embrace my brother, but the fear was too great. I was a coward.

~

Veritus turned his glaze towards father and spoke in an unholy voice that was not his own. "Ahhhh... you are the one who mocked me! Now you pay with the soul of your son!" He took a step towards father, oh, poor weeping father.

A holy beam seared onto Veritus as Rickma completed his incantation with a prayer to Olith. The vampire snarled and turned towards the elderly priest instead. Presenting his symbol of faith, Rickma chanted rapidly as Veritus straggled towards the burning symbol. The priest’s eyes widen in fear when the child vampire grasped his symbol and tore the scorching holy symbol from Rickma’s trembling hands. “Olith save me!” was Rickma’s dying cry as cold Veritus ripped the priest into halves. My twin cried in triumph as the blood of the faithful soaked his unholy self.

Father screamed in anger and sorrow and threw himself at his unliving son. I wept uncontrollably as my twin toyed with our father before ripping his head off and sated his unholy thirst.

I wept at my fear, my cowardice at my father’s despair, my brother’s sins.

~

As if sensing my presence, Veritus suddenly stared towards my hiding place, his crimson eyes boring deep into the core of my soul. I was too numbed, too tired to feel anything, but a great sorrow gripped me tightly, closely when I saw Veritus baring his fangs and screamed a silent mourning cry... a drop of crimson tear falling from his deaden eyes...

He knows…

~

I glanced at poor Rickma’s glazed eyes, he was like a grandfather to me, his calm steadfast faith comforts me, but now his eyes seemed to tell me something else. Had Olith really failed him? Failed us? Why did Olith not protect us, why didn’t he shield his faithful? Oh Rickma, I have learnt that gods aren’t omnipotent after all. The very existence of evil had proven this, had it not?

I knew not what had changed, but everything felt so different now. A grim determination latched on me, a dark burning desire filled my soul. I hid no more. With an ancient dagger in hand, I walked into the moonless night, towards the crazed laughter…

~

From his hidden alcove, the thing that was Veritus smiled and whispered silently. “All is well master.”

~

I do not understand my demon; I never could, not then, not now, and perhaps never. I knew not when my fears transformed into a dark clouded bloodlust. I could only observe my frail ten years old form marched grimly towards a senseless vengeance?

Across the village square, was the pale youth, the arrogant necromancer who brought this blight upon us. I glared at his raving form with unspoken hatred, and stormed towards him. No one, nothing noticed my approach. Not the wandering dead, not the tall slender figure beside the vile necromancer, his back was turned away. Perhaps Olith was with me, I thought to myself. And when I was but a few pace away from the raving necromancer, I raised my blade, its blade glimmering even in such moonless night. But still, no one noticed or cared; I plunged the ancient dagger into the murderer of my home. The metallic taste of his blood was heavenly; I plunged the glowing dagger again, the ecstasy of his lifeblood driving me on. I was lost to the bloodcraze I never knew I had. I knew I had a tainted soul – it was touched by the devil.

I rose and saw my beloved twin beside me; he smiled approvingly at my bloodstained form. But it was the eyes of the one who stood behind him, which caught my attention. He stood with an unnatural grace, and his eyes were steely gray but hypnotically so. He approached me, and I could hear my blood gushing past my ears, my heart pounding with awe – he is an angel, I was sure of it. I smiled when he gave me his kiss.

“No master!” Someone whined. “You promised me!”

The angel gave the speaker a great shove before turning his attention back to me. I could hear the splintering woods as the speaker was sent crashed onto something in a distance, before darkness claimed me.

If Only ...

2005-07-29T15:54:00.000+08:00

8th Sep 2002

It was a stormy night, multiple streaks of lightning crashed onto the dull weathered rocks that populated the valley. Like lions berserked, the thunders roared their fury, but at the eye of this unnatural storm, a lone tower stood unmoved, untouched by the anger of the gods. They were helpless, they could do nothing, the world was ending. The eyes of all were on the tower, on the lone cloaked figure who dwelled within. The ancient wizard, who was born and was breathing his last within this dark tower, within the solace of his chambers.

Grasping weakly for his rune-scarred scythe, the emancipated man convulsed violently as yet another spasm gripped his ancient age-mottled mortal shell. Blinking his blood tinted tears away, he sighed as the pain in his heart gradually eased into a dull throbbing ache. Spitting the tangly metallic taste of blood from his mouth, the ancient necromancer stood up, his failing form upright and straight despite his great age. "It's time.", he whispered to himself.

His eyes, burning crimson with unnatural fervor, the pale necromancer stroked his silvery runic scythe gently and slowly began his long journey to the peak of the tower, to the altar where he will cast his final spell. "If only...", the weeping wizard whispered as he made his way to his final destination. "If only.... ", he moaned as a sudden pain ripped at his wiltered heart.

The freezing winds howled, and whipped through the narrow corridors seeking for the mortal who would bring about the end of everything, the end of the world. The storm grew stronger, desperated. Dark oily raindrops were hissing as they struck unrelentlessly against the cold fossilized bones of the dark tower. A rain of scorching acids. They burnt, they killed all that they touched, man, animals, everything. Surely, Nature had gone crazy.

Wild laughters soon erupted from his slender frame, "My life is mine and no others. The world must end. But if only..." He shook his head sadly, his eyes filled with unspeakable sorrows, his long white hairs rippling gently despited the wild gales that sought take away his life. "If only...", the ancient wizard lifted his foot and took yet another step. She is waiting.

With every step the wheezing old man took, the earth shook in defiance. Great cracks appeared throughout the rocky landscape. The earth shook again. The sea heaved, and raging torrents of oily fluid gushed through the great gaps of the wizard's valley. There can be no peace.

Pausing a moment to catch his fading breath, his eyes roamed the valley of which had been his home for the past decades, centuries, when it was once green and full of life. But now like the rest of the world, it is dead and so cold that nothing grow upon it, ever. The soils was poisoned, the air noxious and the rain burning. And now, only clumps of vicious monstrous plants stalk the garden he once tenderly groomed.

He sighed, his once peaceful grove had become a place devoid of harmony, only chaos remained. Only regrets.

Brushing his crimson tears away, the necromancer shivered slightly in the extreme cold that had permeated his valley. Gingerly flexing his stiff joints, the stubborn old man continued up the stairs determinedly. "I must... "

Great torrents of tainted sea water kept pouring into the valley, pounding mindlessly against the mystical barrier he had risen around his tower. Dark energies crackling as the shield resisted the sea's onslaught. And then they came.

In anguish, the ancient man averted his crimson eyes as he reluctantly hurled a bolt of dark crackling lightning toward the horde of finless shark-like monsters. They emerged from nowhere, madden by a justified vengeance, the demon fish sought to break through the mystic barrier. Oh, they screamed, each and everyone of them screamed their hatred for man, for their losses, just as they slowly, but surely died under the merciless grip of the necromancer's spell. "I'm sorry. Forgive us... ", the wizard wept as his lightning streak hungrily towards the blood-madden sharks.

Then after a blink of an eye, or perhap an eternity of silence, no one knows, a weeping figure with a silver scythe had finally made his way to the peak of the ancient tower. Dark arcane energy slowly gathered about the wizard as he began his mournful song. He sang of a world where the sun was gently nurturing the young seedlings, a world where the air was rich with the songs of birds, rich with the aroma of roses and a world in harmony. But now, the world is dying, in great pain, agony. He wept as he ended his song.

Holding his father's runic scythe with his two wiltered hands, the ancient wizard whispered a short farewell and smited the heart of the dying world. Silence.

"NOOoooooo!!!", a shout broke the silence, the voice was his.

"What right do you have to end a life, even if it is in pain, suffering? None. NONE. You have no right! Is it mercy?", the voice demanded fiercely.

He screamed, his fingers crutching at his face, inflicting deep bleeding grooves. "NOOOoooo!!", the wizard dug at his eyes, for he could not bear to see. The world is suffering. And he struck the pulsing gem, the heart of the world. If only...

A blinding light. The world was silent. A soft sigh escaped the weathered old figure still on his throne of bone. "It's time."

The ancient necromancer remarked as he reached for his scythe, a single tear falling from his closing eyes. "But if only...", the old man whispered as he breathed his last, a journey ending before it began.

Perhaps the birds would come again.

If only man ...

A simple Hug

2005-07-21T19:35:00.000+08:00

31st May 2005

He padded toward me.
His tail wagging tentatively.
I could almost hear the whine
that threatened to overwhelm him.

His large sorrowed eyes.
His coarse fur hanging limply.
I froze, undecided, pondering over
instincts that strove to turn me away.

He padded toward me.
His ugly face grinning hopefully.
I could almost hear the cry
that threatened to overwhelm him.

His large jealous eyes.
His unkempted furs stinking strongly.
I knelt, and beckoned him over
And said, "Never forgotten, always."

I hugged him.
I loved him.
The taint that was jealousy fled.
I still loved him afterall, and he is contented.

Because of Myself

2005-07-21T19:34:00.000+08:00

19th May 2005

Rows and rows before me, they stood.
Motionless like an army of scarecrows, waiting.
"Who are you guys?", I asked.
A hint of fear wormed its way into my voice.

"What are you? WHAT are YOU! WHAT ARE YOU!", I screamed.

Days and nights about me, they waited.
Silently, unansweringly, they surrounded me, waiting.
"I have lost everything.", I stated.
A hint of defiance crept its way into my voice.

"I have lost my love, my job, my EVERYTHING.", I whispered.

Once and only for me, they beckoned.
Seductive like my bittersweet love, undeniable.
"Come, come, come...", they finally spoken.
An evident sense of excitements crackled around their unmoving forms.

"We need you. We miss you. We want you.", they moaned.

Over and over within me, I searched.
Cold and empty like the mortal realm, I found myself.
"No... not yet...", I finally gasped.
A hint of resolution finally found its way into voice.

"Because... because... Because I still have me..."

Nothing of Life

2005-07-21T19:31:00.000+08:00

6th May 2005

It was chillingly cold...
The icy mountain winds seemed to enjoy embracing the poor little man barely hanging onto the cliff...
Me... I... Us?

I could not remember why, when, how did I got to this stark forbidding place with bitter frost.
Bitter like the knots that binded my soul. I glanced at the distant figure below.
He is waiting...

But for whom? I thought, I whispered without knowing why.
Then it struck me. Me... I... Us? The sudden realisation caused my fingers to loosen.
And with a gasp, I fell.

I thought I had fallen, but did I? I found myself still kissing the freezing rocks of the ice crusted cliff.
The chilling winds blew still. I shivered.
He is still waiting...

I thought to spit at him, to scream my defiance. I will not be taken! I will not...
But my mouth was dry, my throat frozen... I was dying... And I am not feeling peaceful at all...
I shivered in cold and in fear...

I glazed up and saw the glorious sun, the warm fire that awaited me...
I tried to reach for it... but my poor tormented body could not, would not obey me... I fell...
into His arms...

I knew peace... I knew nothing... and then we left...
leaving all behind... the cold, the bitterness, the smiles...
for we are nothing but memories...

The Flawed Mirror

2005-07-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

5th July 2004

He walked toward the antique mirror across the dressing room.

"Wonderful craftmanship, isn't it?", he remarked as he lightly brushed the mirror's intricate engraving.

"Verily milord. An exquisite piece indeed.", they chorused as a servant should.

"This mirror is flawed isn't it?", he remarked again as he leaned heavily on the seemingly flawless mirror.

"Forgive us milord!", they wept in terror as their gleaming eyes examined the silvered mirror face in futility.

"I am a flawed mirror, am I not?", he smiled sadly as he knelt down and traced the hidden cracks among the wooden base.

The servants gasped and averted their eyes.
And I just smiled and said, "Soon cracks will widen, and we shall fall..."

I smiled as the sound of splintering wood was chorused by the shattering mirror...

I am a flawed mirror, am I not?

The Wolves and the Stag

2005-07-21T19:28:00.000+08:00

28th April 2005

"Indeed your majesty, you are the king of the forest. For did you not wear an ivory crown?", the lead wolf bowed before the great white stag.

"Indeed your majesty, we hold you in highest esteem. For did you not have a great herd of does worshipping your gracious self?", the wolf continued as he eyed the cowering does hungrily.

"Indeed your majesty, it would be our greatest honor to feast upon your noble heart!", the great wolf snarled as he pounced upon the king with the great crown of ivory.

"And so the wolves feasted upon the great white stag and his does..." And thus the wise old ram ended his tale.

Everafter

2005-07-21T19:08:00.000+08:00

23rd Jun 2004

They asked, "Why are you smiling as your love departs?"
To which I queried, "Mayhap I should weep? Wounded I am, indeed not?"

I walked to the balcony and they followed.

I then asked, "My love had left had she not?"
To which they chorused, "Verily far had she gone."

I reached for the moon in yonder sky.

So they exclaimed, "You can never grasp the lady moon!"
To which I replied, "Indeed, I cannot."

I reached out and grabbed.

Again I whispered, "Verily, I cannot. Can I not?"
To which they affirmed, "Verily an impossible task."

I smiled and embraced my love.

And so I whispered, "But alas, I remember the love."
And so they whispered, "We are but mortal shells in the realm of thorns."

I closed my eyes and remembered.
There is no eternity, is there not?
Except perhaps that we once existed?

He was not Alone

2005-07-21T19:00:00.000+08:00

5th December 2003

"Let's go.", he whispered in his soft sorrowed tainted voice.

"Where? To where are we heading?", I asked. The world was in darkness, I could sense his closeness, hear his pounding heart, but of him I see nothing. "Where are you?", I queried with my trembling voice. I was confused, maybe not.

"It's time. Are you coming?", he replied without answering my questions.

I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. "I will stay by you. You will not be alone, this I promise." I could feel his slender fingers, but yet strangely coarse hand - the hand of one who works the land. "Where are we going?", I dared to ask again. The stranger smiled, I knew he did, even in this darkness.

"Somewhere, somewhere…", he answered cryptically. “Come.” A fade scent of lavender brushed past me, as he sought my hands. “Come.”

I smiled and took his hands. His hands were cold. “You are very cold.”, I commented, feeling quite at ease with the stranger – he was strangely familiar, maybe that is why he is a stranger. I chuckled at the thought, a lame joke, but then, my sense of humor had always been a trifle lacking. I smiled again, memories of the past when there was light and laughter. How I yearn to be young again!

Suddenly, a thought descended into my feeble mind. “How old are you?” I was curious. He smiled again, “As old as you are. I was there when you were born, and here I am with you. I’m always by your side and always will.”

His answer confused me, but I found that it didn’t disturb me one bit. “Let’s go. I’m curious.” I pulled myself up and sought his shoulder – it seems he was around my build. Laughing gently, the stranger gave me a quick hug and led me onwards, to some unknown place. I was curious.

It seemed like an eternity, but eventually we reached there. I can feel it in my old bones. “Are we here?”

“Yes, old friend. We are here, behold. My last gift to you!”

A cool blast of the morning breeze bathed my face, I know it is morning. It is morning I’m sure, I could feel the warm light on my wrinkled face. It felt so good. Sunrise. I could feel the fiery orb in the distant, struggling to bring light to the world. I could imagine the cascading colors, I never forgot the first sunrise I seen when I was a little boy.

“It is beautiful.”

“Yes it is and will be for years to come.”

“I certainly hope so. Is it time?”

“Yeah. Are you ready?”

“As ready as one can be.”

“Then I’m ready too. Glad to know you.”

“Me too. You are a good man.”

“Yes, I guess I am. Good bye!”

“Yeah! Goodbye!”, I grinned. I was glad of this last gift I gave myself.

The sightless old man smiled as the sun finally rose over the horizon, scattering the darkness that shroud the city.

The voices in his mind, his life, finally went away, and this time, he left with them. He was not alone.